My Journey to Motherhood
- Melanie Jones
- Nov 29, 2024
- 7 min read
OMG... sitting here typing this feels so surreal, but here I am, two years later, writing my story down for you all to read. If you don’t know me, hello. I am Mel, a mummy to two-year old twins, single-handedly I might add!! Mad yes, maybe, most probably but none the less the hard work is worth it (the majority of the time)!
Anyway, I am here today to tell my story. I am an asexual woman who has endometriosis. Back on 20th June 2019, I was sitting in the pain management doctor's office, with a lot of pain from endometriosis and literally, it was depressing me, which to anyone with mental health problems will know, the negativity drags you down. I was stuck in a rut; realistically, not wanting to have another operation and not wanting to be on several types of medication.
I sat in that appointment, crying my eyes out as a single 29 year woman next to my mum, feeling unwell and sorry for myself. The doctor said to me, “Melanie, just go and be happy, enjoy your life.” To that I said “Okay, I want to have a baby.” The doctor said “Go have a baby then.” So that’s where my journey began. I was ready to go on this journey to motherhood single-handedly. The doctor’s words “Go have a baby” were the final tick box I needed, mentally and physically, to accepting who I was and where I was about to go.
At the time, I was on the depo injection and so I just didn’t book or go to my next appointment to have it. I enquired around about how to do this as a single person and where was best to go to. I went to a clinic in Hertfordshire, where they assessed me. I was then offered to egg share dependant on my ACH Levels. After a long think, I decided I would egg share and do IVF, as my chances with IUI or naturally would have been 3-5% anyway.
The only thing I wasn’t told at that clinic was that I would have to go to their London clinic to be able to do all this, but I went nonetheless, off to London to work this all out. It's a lot of form-filling egg sharing, and if you are of the right age and AMH, based on the clinics recommendations, it basically means whatever eggs they collect from you, you get half and another family get the other.
Unfortunately, at the time of this London appointment around September 2019, I still hadn’t got my period back and was told I could get on the pill for it to come back, but this wasn’t the case. My AMH level was too low to egg share at that time and was told to wait until my period came back to retest, as I had been on the depo for a year and before that Zoladex.
So I waited. It was so frustrating having to wait. My period arrived a year later, 5th August 2020, in the middle of Covid, when lockdown was just lifting for the first time. I decided at this point that I would allow myself a few periods to bring my AMH levels up a bit and then see what happened.
Living in Hertfordshire really put me off of going up to London, through Covid on a train and tube to get to the clinic. So I researched and found another clinic that was actually closer than the first clinic and went there for an AMH blood test. It's always worth asking around because different clinics have different eligibility criteria to be able to egg share. The new clinic I found was age up to 35 I believe and AMH level could be less than the original London clinic. When I underwent my IVF cycles, I had to quarantine every time I went through a cycle- I think this has relaxed now, but this was another reason to not go to the London clinic.
Egg sharing obviously isn’t for everyone and I took a long time to really think it through and decide. At the age of 18 in the UK, the donor is allowed to be found by the child, which may put people off, but I thought that I would be giving another family a chance to have a family of their own and would hopefully love them and give them the best life possible.
In April 2021, I did my first cycle through the pill to sync with my matched family for egg sharing. Unfortunately, my body didn’t react the way it should and so the levels of my 8 eggs were low. This being said, I did have one embryo transferred back. I thought I was pregnant, and so did the clinic, because I couldn’t open the fridge without being sick or heaving, but unfortunately this was a negative outcome.
Because I wanted this so much and as hard as it was, I decided/pushed myself to do another round, which led me to August 2021. I tried again in July 2021 but unfortunately had a very large cyst on my right ovary, delaying my start. This time I went with my period and they were freezing my eggs to give to another family at the right time. It was a better round for me. I coped better on the medication given and it felt good. As the one embryo didn’t stick on the last round, we decided two would give a better chance. Not many clinics will put multiples back in straightaway, due to the high risks in pregnancy, but we went with it.
The two week wait is honestly so long from transfer to pregnancy test. Many really want to test early and I got up at 6am just to do the test, waiting for my mum to be up so I could FaceTime her. I got a positive pregnancy test this time, which was obviosuly super exciting.
At the clinic I went to, at around 6-8 weeks you get an early scan. This is when it got more tougher than I thought it ever would. I lay there having the scan and the doctor broke the worst news ever. One had stuck, the sack was there but no baby. He left the room and my mum and I were left in there. Your emotions are just all over the place anyway due to the medication but it was awful. I had to stop the medication and wait to miscarry the baby (this is a missed miscarriage), though I didn’t bleed and so I ended up at my local NHS hospital. The weirdest thing happened though. I was scanned but the baby had gone - my body had absorbed it, which to me means that baby will always be close to my heart.
Now to the next hurdle, mentally being ready to go back in for my last chance. I was made redundant in August 2021 and that led me to have quite a bit of money. So I did it... my last chance and this time I didn’t egg share. I did it all for me. If this didn’t lead to a baby, I would go down the foster and adoption stage, once I had moved house.
This was January of 2022. Honestly, I could have backed out at any stage. Walking down the corridor knowing I had to go in and face this all again was a huge emotional rollercoaster. I remember walking through the double doors and thinking 'You’ve got this Mel. Come on, don’t run now!"
But I went in and I did it for me! I had 18 eggs, if I remember rightly, removed and mixed to make embryos and had two put back in on the 2nd of February 2022. The wait this time was even worse than before. I was so anxious to do anything wrong, just in case.
On Valentines morning of 2022, I woke to be able to do my pregnancy test. I couldn’t wait to FaceTime my mum, as I was already starting to feel really sick. I took it and within less than 3 minutes, I had the brightest, strongest blue positive test! I remember going on a teams call with my manager at the time and she must have thought "Well, she’s had the best valentines present this morning!" I did, but probably not how she was thinking!
Walking back into the clinic for my early scan was the most scary thing, purely because I was so worried it would be a missed miscarriage again. I had already started throwing up, so this was a good sign, but like my first round, I was being sick just off the medication. My mum went in and waited with the doctor whilst I went to the toilet. She said to the doctor how worried and anxious I was, that it would be like it was before.
I lay there on the bed having my scan and this time it was different. The doctor turned the screen away so I couldn’t see, checked then said “Well, you had two put back in and two have stuck, You are pregnant with twins!” The emotions definitely became real then and I was so happy and tearful. But two!? How was I going to do it??
My pregnancy was rough - I had hyperemesis, so was sick every day up until I pushed baby boy out. It was such a hard pregnancy but now its so rewarding! I was induced at 36 weeks and delivered two healthy babies naturally (yes it's possible) at 36 weeks and 4 days. And now they are very happy and cheeky, boy and girl two-year old twins.
So, this is my story and if you want to know more about my rounds of IVF and story you can check out my YouTube. Though nowadays, I post sporadically, I have videos of this journey, my IVF and pregnancy updates.
I want you all to know that however many times you have to go through this or none at all, you have this. Don’t give up. Manifest it and think positively. I know that is really hard but the positivity really does help. Hang on in there. I wish you all the best!
Mel
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