PART 2- Not so silent night... silent reflux!
- Colette Bruce
- Dec 13, 2024
- 7 min read
That sound, ah THAT sound, makes me close my eyes and inhale a deep breath. I hear it throughout the day and night and I am not the only mother listening to it. It's not the sound of crying or whinging, it's the sound of my little boy being ever so brave. Silent reflux visits us uncountable times, day and night, and my heart melts for him as I know he is so uncomfortable.
I am not an expert on reflux and I didn't really know much about it until my little boy was around 8 months, who:
Always slept with his head tilted back.
HATED laying flat.
Arched his back wildly.
Would push off mine and his father's chest with his hands and feet when we tried to comfort him in the night, but equally wanted us to hold and love him.
Always wanted to breast feed
Then, we started hearing THAT sound. A gurgling, rushing sound of acid reflux whooshing up, and then a gulping sound, as our little trooper swallowed and pushed it all back down again. He would be exhausted from the constant cycle of silent reflux, both day and night. However, baby massage and yoga really helped us both.
We would be up at the crack of dawn, exhausted from a night of constant waking, feeding, cuddling, pushing off, kicking, grizzling, crying, singing, walking around, and by the morning we just clung to each other. Awake but in a dream state, we would leave the sofa where we often ended up sleeping sat up and go to the nursery to get ready for our day. Starting the day with a little massage really helped us to re-connect after a night of upset; too tired to talk sometimes we spoke purely through touch and massage.
This re-connection was vital, allowing us to wipe the slate clean and start our day on a positive note.
Baby massage and yoga won't cure reflux, but they can help you and your baby to find relaxation, which is so important. Many babies and tots that suffer with reflux and silent reflux become very tense which can impact on the following;
Sleep
Reflux can leave babies feeling too tense to drift off to sleep and they will often wake frequently in the night, for milk, or to suckle (which reduces irritation and speeds gastric emptying). Lack of sleep in an infant/child can lead to them feeling irritable and clingy. You may find that they also tend to grizzle or cry lots, due to their lack of sleep, hindering their ability to process emotions positivity & effectively. Baby massage and yoga can help a baby to sleep through, or in my experience, to help your baby relax and positively engage in the initial stages of sleep at the beginning of the night.
For a while, I was made to feel as if I was a 'failing mother', because my baby didn't sleep through the night. However, he did fall asleep well and part of that is thanks to the effort we put into his pre-bedtime relaxation routine, which consisted and still consists of baby yoga, baby massage, a bath, milk and cuddles, and then transferring him into his cot to sleep peacefully, until his first bout of reflux visits. For me, this time is magical. By the end of the day, I am exhausted from looking after his reflux needs through the night and entertaining him during the day (as well as doing all the other mummy and work related jobs). That hour where we play calming music, look at books together, sing some songs and play with our floaty scarves, have a massage and explore some yoga before daddy comes home to help with bath time is so relaxing, for not only baby Ren, but for me as well. I get to recharge, reset and reconnect with love and calmness, ready to help teach him about sleep in a healthy way.
Eating
Feeling tense can impact upon babies' desire and ability to eat – especially when weaning onto solid foods. This can leave babies/tots feeling hungry and irritable. It is important that if they are happy to have breast milk/milk (or a form of non-cows milk, as this can irritate the condition further) that they are allowed to stock up on this, as it will comfort, soothe and aid with settling any hunger for a bit.
For older babies who are weaning/weaned, a really great piece of advice that I read was to focus on what they had eaten or drunk and celebrate that, rather than focusing on what they had refused to eat/dumped on the floor (or given to the dog!). This positive vision can and should be used in all areas of your day, and by doing so, you will find that spirits and energy levels are lifted for everybody.
Social behaviour
The impact that reflux/silent reflux can have on a child's behaviour can impact their social interactions. Some babies become more nervous in social situations and need lots of reassurance. This can change daily also, depending on their condition, sleep and hunger levels.
Reflux-related stress can lead to outward behaviour such as:
Being highly strung, flitting from activity to activity, and not being able to settle and focus. This can have an impact upon their nursery and school education.
It is not uncommon for a child who has and does suffer from reflux to express themselves through biting, head banging, and other forms of outward behaviour.
Baby massage and yoga can aid your communication skills with each other and promote relaxation, enabling you to minimise any social interactivity issues. Listening to your baby may mean changing plans to meet their needs.
Lifestyle choices - medication and diet
As I stated previously, I am not an expert. I am writing this just as a Mum, reaching out to other Mums and Dads, so I am not going to write about all the different avenues that can be taken with regards to medication. However, I am going to encourage you to have confidence to speak up. Do not let your GP fob you off - if a medication is not working for your baby, go back and demand another type (there are lots of different types of medication you can try; some more expensive than others, so naturally they can be reluctant to give you them!). Ask to be referred to see a Paediatrician or Gastric consultant at your local hospital - hassle, hassle, hassle, until you get what you need for your baby!
In the meantime, there are things that you can do at home to help - along with baby massage and yoga!
If you are breastfeeding, you may want to cut out foods that can trigger reflux, and weaning babies should stay clear of these foods as well.
Conclusion
Although baby massage and yoga cannot cure reflux or silent reflux, it can make a great difference to your baby’s quality of life, the relationship you have with your baby and your experience of being a mother and/or father. Love and relaxation are so very important to any baby, but a baby with reflux is in so much need of reassurance, patience and extra love to help soothe the issues around reflux.
By helping your baby to relax you are teaching them that there is respite from their stress and that you are there to help them.
You are not failing if you are getting up in the night to care for and help your baby through bouts of reflux! Many babies need milk to help push down the offending reflux and to soothe their bodies. Breast milk contains melatonin (a sleep-inducing hormone) which will help your unsettled baby to relax and fall back into their sleep, not to mention the safe, snuggly feeling babies get when breast feeding.
It's important to be positively open to change. Routines can be really helpful for the whole family and for promoting feelings of security. However, busy nights of calming reflux might mean that nap times slightly shift, which impact upon your day. Let it be! Don't beat yourself up that you haven't stuck with your original plans.
You may find that nappy changing, feeding, socialising all need to be adapted from day to day. Tune into your baby and let love lead you into new ways of achieving your daily goals and experiences. Remember, nothing is set in stone - you can change a nappy any way you and your baby likes (as long as they are safe) and this rule applies for many areas of parenting - remain flexible!
Above all, remember love, not control. For me, this realisation arose when I adapted the way I changed my baby's nappy. I just thought, why am I struggling to contain his attempts at imitating a sea serpent!? Let's just go with love; let me love and listen to my baby and encourage a pleasant time during changing. He wants to stand, so lets try changing and getting dressed standing - hey presto, we haven’t looked back and nappy changing is no longer stressful for either of us. So, if you take anything away from this article let it be 'love, not control'. Love and listen to your baby and use this to help teach them about the world around them, about right and wrong and most importantly, about kindness.
Written by guest blogger Colette Bruce
Colette is a mum of two in a neurodivergent house and a former school teacher, specialising in the Early Years, She left teaching to start up her own heart-centred business, teaching baby and children's yoga. Her business has evolved with her family and she now writes children's yoga books and is a course creator and lecturer in children's yoga.
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Further information
Reflux triggers
Food
A virus, ‘stomach bug’ or teething may trigger an attack of reflux – Baby massage and yoga can aid in this area, as they can help to boost the immune system.
Activity after feeding
Helpful websites
Lots of different visual charts and reminders that you can use to remind yourself of the trigger foods to avoid.
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